(Prosperity -Laura E Kirkpatrick) June is wedding season, and a walk down Smith Street in Brooklyn - where you’ll pass bakeries, restaurants, hipsters, bakeries, bars, clothing stores and some more bakeries - illustrates ( besides the fact that hipsters spend their money on everything but clothes) the changing face of weddings. Gone are the days of the vanilla or chocolate bride with the same flavor of groom. Now, you’ll see mix and 
match assortments of brides and grooms, brides and brides and grooms and grooms, complemented by cookies designed to match any theme – Eastern European embroidery, that shamrock tattoo from college or Chinese characters wishing the bride and groom happiness and prosperity.
Generation X – born between 1965 and 1976 and formerly written off as slackers – is blurring culturally established lines between the sexes as well as among the basic rites and rituals of American culture, like weddings. Gen Xers are delaying marriage to establish their own identity and financial freedom before tying the knot. And when they do get married, the groom contributes more both in terms of ideas and financing than in any other era.
A 2006 study by the Condé Nast Bridal Group found that only 25 percent of weddings are paid for in total by the bride’s family. The bride and groom pay for their own weddings 32 percent of the time, and another 15 percent of weddings are paid for by parties from both families.
“The demographics of brides and weddings are changing. Couples who are older, or who have lived together for a while, are apt to forget the wedding and prepare for marriage. The younger you are married; there is less involvement from the groom.” says Jeannie Uyanik, Executive Director of Cap and Gown Weddings. She points out that in one of three marriages the bride is likely to earn more than the groom. In 1980, the chance that a woman earned more than her spouse was only one out of five. The bride’s mother, once a stalwart, has been all but eliminated from the planning process and replaced by the groom.
“You don’t marry the boy next door anymore. A wedding is now about two people as a couple and they’re trying to express themselves in the ceremony,” says Cynthia Edmonds, Associate Editor at Bride’s Magazine on multicultural weddings. “Weaving different traditions together just illustrates that point. It’s their wedding and it should be about them.”
People being married today are more likely to be established, independent people who have supported themselves for a while and appreciate the pain of spending their own money on a wedding. Couples making more of the decisions want to throw an event that reflects their identity, rather than the bride’s family. A sign of the blending of cultures and cross-pollination that is happening on a global level is that more people of different cultures are meeting and, well, mating – increasing everyone’s, but the stodgiest of mother-in-laws’, appreciation for other cultures and traditions.
Men taking a greater role in the wedding certainly reflect of the changing role of women in American society. After 30 years as members of the workforce, breaking barriers and ceilings in professions formerly known as old boys clubs, women are gaining even greater financial independence. 20 percent more women than men are graduating from college while more and more of these graduates join the managerial climb. 60 percent of women with their MBAs have direct deposits greater than their spouses.
Having the groom, or both participating parties, involved in the plans can provide an unexpected bonus. Men are not conditioned to want a huge I’ve-dreamed-of-this-day affair, and with two people, there is the option to have a negotiator in the proceedings. The 2006 Condè Nast study found that between 2002 and 2006 the cost of weddings had increased over 20 percent. During one year in the US, $72 billion is spent on weddings alone. The average cost of a wedding is just slightly under $30,000 – this average covers the gamut from elopements to blowout weddings.
“Basically, I felt like my role was to be cheap,” said David, a journalist, of his 2004 wedding. “The wedding business gauges people; it makes moderate people feel like they can’t be cheap - spending money on things that aren’t even necessary.” One example he gave of his participation was when the caterer for suggested a raw seafood bar. The wedding was in Vermont, a landlocked state, and serving fish would have been—well, fishy.
Less than a century ago, grooms would have been far outside cultural mores to plan the wedding. In 1929, Mrs. John Alexander King in writing Weddings - Modes, Manners and Customs for Moderns would never even have considered the groom in such a role. All of her advice is addressed to the bride. “Since you will be wearing that ring” she writes about the engagement ring, “all your life, John [her fictional groom] has consulted you about your preferences.” That’s John’s greatest act of independence in the process. Look at that, in the last century, even grooms have come a long way.
